Integrating Our Uncomfortable Parts: A Step by Step Guide

In analytical psychology, a simplified description of our ‘shadow’ is the part of ourself we are either unaware or ashamed of. It is what lurks in our unconscious, and whenever it emerges… our conscious self isn’t exactly thrilled to meet It. Many things make up our shadow self just as many events created it. In Jungian psychology the shadow is meant in be integrated into the entirety of ourselves leading to what is called ‘individuation’. Individuation refers to the process through which a person achieves a sense of individuality separate from the identities of others and begins to consciously exist. This only happens by shedding light on the shadow and making the unconscious… conscious. 

As I have actively done shadow work, I have come to learn the shadow operates on a greyscale. Some of our shadow traits are akin to an attack dog. When this ‘animal’ is properly trained… It can distinguish things like threat levels and the proper degrees of reactions to said threats. An attack dog can look intimidating, but It always exercises restraint… even when in full attack mode. These are defensive shadow traits, and when we are consciously aware of how we are using them, we can adequately protect ourselves from harm. 

I was recently made aware of one of my own defensive shadow traits, my tendency to be a judgemental person. As a light was shone on a part of my personality that makes my ego shutter… I began to go through my ‘integration’ process. 

Below is a step by step guide of how I dealt with my own shadow in a true life situation, I will walk you through how I untangled and dealt with what I call ‘grey shadow’ elements. In these steps I utilize cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. 

Step One- Identify the situation.

I was called judgemental for saying I felt some content creators with large followings give bad advice. 

Step by Two- Identify feelings.

In this circumstance I felt shame and anger. 

Step Three- Identify how my shadow does not align with my ego?

One thing I always ‘strive’ to be is open minded. I’m very accepting of different beliefs and practices as long as they are not trying to take away someone else’s rights because of their own moral framework. I try to be the person my friends can feel comfortable around, knowing they can confide in me. Being a judgemental person opposes my world view as a chaos magician, where I feel all beliefs are valid as long as they work for the individual. 

Step Four- Determine what negative beliefs will I hold about myself is this is truly a part of my shadow?

A great deal of my own trauma was at the hands of fundamental religion. I was very harshly judged by those in my religious community. Am I just like them? Is there still a part of me that is a fundamentalist, and therefore, willing to inflict harm on others? My ultimate negative belief would be, ‘I am just like the people who hurt me.’

Step Five- Weigh out the evidence. 

This part involves sitting with some discomfort.  It’s time to analyse how prevalent and harmful this shadow element is. One thing to remember while working this step… we all have shadows and change is possible. Give yourself grace in this space. Also, I know projection is an element of shadow work. But… really try to remove the person who highlighted the shadow from your analysis… they might be projecting their own shadow on you… but you are not in their head or body. You can only account for your personal lived experience. By weighing evidence you can determine if this is in fact, part of your shadow or a projection of theirs. 

How am I judgemental? 

I am judgemental of people or institutions who have harmed me.

I am judgemental of those who spread misinformation and hurt  and control others in the process.

I am judgemental of those who have power and influence, as they have placed themselves in positions where their words and actions will have more impact. 

Step Six- Determine when this shadow trait first emerged? What was its functional purpose?

The first recollection I had of being judgemental was towards the authorities in my church. They were spreading anti LGBTQIA sentiments. I felt they were being hypocritical and unchristlike, I also felt they were endangering the community. 

The function of my judgement here was protection, I was fearful of what people in power were doing to those I cared about. 

Step Seven- Now knowing the function of my shadow, how do I want to integrate It?

After breaking down the function of this shadow trait, while my ego might really… really hate being called judgemental. This is a more useful trait than harmful. Because I began to ‘judge’ those in power and influence, I have been able to remove myself from harmful institutions. I view questioning authority as a positive thing. 

Step Eight- Now that I’m aware of this shadow trait. Are there any boundaries I need to place upon myself?

I will only use my judgemental tendencies in specific situations. I need to refrain from making generalised commentary. I need to not judge all the content a person creates because I disliked one sentiment, which I tend to do. If I feel there is a concrete misuse of power, I will directly communicate what my concerns are and why I have them. I will only use my judgements as a means of protection, not as a means of moral posturing. 

And… done! This looks fast when it’s written out. But in real life, this exercise has taken me weeks or even months depending on the subject matter. Sometimes you may not be able to sit with the discomfort over a certain shadow trait. Grant yourself patience as you do this work. It is ok to come back and revisit when you’re ready. These kind of exercises should feel unpleasant, not unbearable. If you feel overwhelmed, you’re not ready to face that part of your shadow yet… and that’s ok. This is like training a muscle, you will gain more resilience over time. 

I hope this helps, enjoying training your ‘attack dog’.