Working With Goddesses to Heal the Wounded Feminine
Over time, I have been working on healing my wounded feminine. While I still outwardly identify as female, energetically my masculine energy attempts to subdue my feminine. For me, this was a byproduct of religious trauma. In my childhood religion, gender roles were strictly enforced. The belief was god assigned us our gender, and we must fulfil the roles of our gender… any expression outside of this was to be tempted by the adversary. As a woman, my divine duty was to be married, have children, and manage a home. Education and occupation were only to be utilised in case of financial emergency or death of the spouse. I was also never to hold any spiritual authority as this was something god only granted to men, I was meant to follow the lead of my husband as he was the one who was able to connect directly to god.
I have always been one who has highly valued education, occupational ambition, and spirituality. I felt as though my gender barred me from doing everything I wanted to do. I also felt the constant belittling from my peers whenever I talked about my life goals and desires. I was ‘bad, evil, tempted’ for wanting to create art and establish a career. This pressure cooker made me slowly grow the hate the feminine as it was pushed in the religion.
When I moved into the realm of witches, I felt even more isolated. I saw women deconstructing their old religions and being hyped for goddess work. I saw them casting off the patriarchy. With how my church was laid out, I was taught how to be ‘a good woman’ by other women. It was women who chastised me for wanting anything other than motherhood. In fighting for my sovereignty from Mormonism… I annihilated my inner feminine.
Before I commenced into goddess work I asked my Thoth cards ‘where is my inner chaos?’. The card I drew was the Empress. Given all my negative associations with motherhood, this already made sense. I looked to the bottom of the card and saw a pelican tearing its chest open to feed its young. I felt this was a symbol of my own wounds. This same weekend I was out for a drive, and I saw something I had never seen before or since. I was crossing a large bridge over the river… below were hundreds… of pelicans. It was at this time I knew I needed to start this process.
For anyone healing the wounded feminine and feeling shame she has been suppressed for so long, for anyone having a difficult time honouring her now. I hope my honest account gives hope.
I have been working with goddesses for about a year now, and It is such a fulfilling and beautiful connection. It wasn’t always this way. One thing I recommend is to choose your goddesses wisely. Mine have had so much patience and wisdom over what was initially a difficult transition. They were understanding trust was going to be slowly built. Regular ritual is extremely important while healing the wounded feminine. Fridays are always my goddess night, I embrace all things feminine. I do my hair and makeup, I arrange flowers, I paint… I do whatever I can to connect with my inner feminine. This routine was not easy at first, during that time, I connected with my goddesses through the tarot and sought their guidance. They have continued to lead me in the direction of self actualisation.
For those researching which goddesses they want to work with. I suggest honestly looking at areas which you need to heal and where you need to be empowered. My goddesses tend to align with more Martian influences, sex, death, and war are their domains. This way my authentic feminine comes out more fierce, dark, and wild.
As this year has passed. I’ve seen great changes and healing. Ones I’ve only experienced working with goddesses. I have been able to paint on canvas for the first time in 20 years. I have become much better at enforcing boundaries. I have negated a great deal of internalised misogyny. I have healed old traumas. I’ve realised ways I’ve been victimised in the past, and will never repeat again.
Most importantly… I’ve began showing up as my authentic self. For those who are wishing to heal this part of themselves. I cannot recommend working with goddesses enough. I hope my story has inspired or resonated with you in some way.
And remember dear ones…
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* an additional footnote. In the time since I wrote this blog my understanding of divine feminine expression has increased in depth and complexity. Just as masculine and feminine expression exists as an inner polarity in myself, I have found this is also the case for divinity as a whole. Goddesses can give us access to our total self, I’m still grateful they opened the door to the feminine… but they have taught me so much more as time has passed.
