Forgive Yourself. Take Off The Blindfold.
Trigger Warning- Abuse
I have always seen the RWS two and the eight of swords as cause and effect interlinked.
In the two of swords our figure is blindfolded, weighing out her options. A sea of unknown possibilities in the background. In the eight I see the same woman in red, the color of Mars. All of her options have been exhausted… the sea has run dry. She is blindfolded once more, now imprisoned by the swords.
All she needs to do is remove the blindfold to see she is in a prison of her own making. She is able to walk free at anytime.
The eight of swords is read as the card of negative thoughts, self imposed restrictions, and victim mentality.
Whenever I pull this card I can almost always think of my initial ‘bad choice’ which lead me to this place. It started with the two of swords… I chose poorly then suffered the heartbreak of the three, the solitary rest of the four, the conflict of the five, the retreat of the six, the betrayal of the seven… and now I’m battle torn at the eight.
Each sword around me is another possibly ‘wrong choice’ leading me right into more stabby conflicts. I feel the blindfold of the two again, I don’t trust myself. If I remain in this spot… if I’m stagnant I can’t chose wrong, yes I’m miserable but the world is too scary.
See the victim mentality here?
You’ve touched the cosmic hot stove and you fear another burn. It’s a completely natural self preservation strategy, albeit an unfulfilling one.
The only way to regain your confidence and make progress once more is to practice self forgiveness.
I always have to remind myself. Cause and effect is not the same as punishment and reward. I didn’t experience a bad outcome because I was a bad person. I was a human. I tried the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, and I made a choice.
If I can look back and see my wrongdoings and the havoc they caused, it means I grew through that experience. I means I’ll know how to proceed better in the future. It also means I now have the opportunity to correct any past mistakes and make amends if I can.
If my poor choices put me down a dangerous path with harmful or toxic individuals, where I suffered abuse… I forgive myself without question. As a survivor, I can say with full confidence… believing in yourself and forgiving yourself for the ways you had to survive, are the only way you can progress forward.
Removing the blindfold and stepping forward again is scary. Life is full of unknowns. Sometimes good intentions lead to poor outcomes.
As my practice is trauma focused. I have found in some areas of my life I have casted off that blindfold and lit It up! In other areas I’m still standing between those swords.
Healing and self forgiveness are not quick or linear processes. Trusting yourself takes time and practice. While navigating these emotions keep forgiving yourself, keep loving yourself, keep building yourself up.
You are worthy of freedom.
