Heal For Own Inner Peace. Not For Other’s Comfort.

This is something I wish someone told me when I started my healing journey;

Working through your trauma takes up a great deal of mental and physical energy. You may never be able to heal all of it. Some wounds might remain, but they won’t hurt like they do right now. Your trauma work is emotional triage. You get to decide what needs healing first and when it needs healing. It is also up to you to determine what ‘fully healed’ looks like. 

For myself, I divide my end goals into ‘functionally healed’ and ‘fully healed’. To be fully healed means I no longer experience any discomfort when I encounter my triggers. To be functionally healed means I might feel some discomfort, but I am able to apply critical thinking skills and appropriate boundaries when I encounter my triggers. 

Being functionally healed is an interesting spot in healing.  One which I don’t see often discussed. Usually we want to strive for fully healed. But, depending on the trauma severity, this can be a long and exhausting road. And for those with severe CPTSD, trying to become fully healed in every area can be overwhelming. 

One area I decided I wanted to remain ‘functionally healed’ is in the arena of religious trauma. I made the conscious choice that I had given enough years of my life to religion. And while I wished to be non-reactive and analytical while seeing and experiencing the religious symbols and expressions of others, I didn’t want to embrace or accept them into my personal space. I wanted to create my own practice free of the symbols and archetypes which did not work for me.

Over the years I have done just that. I have created a practice for myself. I have been able to connect with my spirituality in a way I never thought would be possible. 

I can function as a spiritual being and I feel very fulfilled. 

But, I find this is an area which I need to set boundaries constantly. My refusal to work with certain spirits and incorporate certain practices and traditions does cause others discomfort.  Especially when I am open about my own negative past experiences, which led me to create my personal practice as I have. 

There is usually a call towards being ‘fully healed’, so I might share the positive experiences other practitioners have had with such traditions. 

While I do understand this logic and I don’t think there are any ill intentions. I have to ask… if someone is already happy and functioning, why press for change? Especially if they are not asking anyone else to change their practice? 

(I strive to convey the idea everyone should be allowed to work in a way which empowers them… this includes working with entities I do not align with. My writing is my own personal beliefs, experiences, and gnosis.)

I have usually found this kind of pressing happens when others do not wish to sit with their own discomfort. People like to naturally feel seen as well as aligned with those they care about or admire. It’s natural. But, there is value in sitting with discomfort to grow.

I bring up this topic because when I was much more susceptible to people pleasing, early in my trauma healing, I let everyone around me decide ‘what’ I needed to heal.  It was exhausting… and quite frankly… traumatising in itself. 

In the present. I am very clear about my healing goals, I also set firm boundaries. I have found those I share a healthy connection with, usually agree with my decisions. If they have concerns, they can address them in a calm manner and clearly identify patterns they find troubling. In these cases, I readjust my triage. 

I have also learned over time to honour anyone’s desire to distance themselves from me if they disagree with my healing goals and trajectory.  A natural part of the healing journey is losing people you are no longer aligned with. While it can be painful, it is normal. 

When beginning in trauma work. I suggest tracking your triggers through journaling. There are also apps which are wonderful for this as well. As you track, start looking for patterns. Start with the triggers which are upsetting YOU the most and confront the things which are impacting your quality of life. 

It gets easier over time. Stay true to yourself and your healing.

Please also be aware, I share these experiences not as a medical professional… but as someone who has been through many years of trauma work. These articles are meant to make individuals feel less alone and get them thinking about what healing looks like for them. 

If this article has brought up new insights and emotions which you wish to explore further. I will end with the phrase I will try to always close with…

Remember lovelies, do your research.