Unsolicited Opinions With Bren; Fake Healers & Six Ways To Spot Them
A recent minor social media occurrence reminded me of a past event which had a major impact on my mental health.
This was obviously still a trigger for me. So I did what I always do with my triggers… I explored them on my own terms. Sometimes I will analyse a trigger and see how I need to heal the emotions surrounding it. Conversely, there are times where I find some pieces of wisdom in my anger.
This was one of those times.Here is the rundown.
Recently, a lifestyle coach heavily engaged with my account and followed me. I looked at her themes and practices. I saw conflicts with my own methods, but I wanted to give her a chance. I try to remain open minded about many styles of healing practices. So I followed her back. Soon I received a message I could tell was a copy/paste she sent to all who follow her back. I liked the message and moved on with my day. Then I saw she unfollowed me, which isn’t a big deal. But I noticed the people she followed significantly dropped from the time I followed her. She was using the follow/unfollow strategy.
My mental health is much better now. So I just rolled my eyes and unfollowed… but this wasn’t always the case.
Let’s rewind back to 2019. I was in a full fledged ‘dark night of the soul’. During this time, a similar event happened. I was followed by a coach and received a private message. I liked their content and was genuinely interested in receiving coaching as I was really in a difficult place at the time. They told me they were invested in my healing. They made me feel like they truly cared about my mental health. I was getting finances in order to start one on one coaching. Then I saw they had unfollowed me the next day along with everyone else they were following. I felt so stupid and used. I wasn’t a person to them, I was a metric with a dollar sign… at least that’s how I felt at the time.
As someone who writes about healing now… I of course can see where I was incorrect in my judgements. I can now see I needed to heal self perception and worth, an unfollow isn’t really that big of a deal. If anything, I was saved from an incompatible situationship. But that’s the point… People who are experiencing the dark night of the soul, who are in search of a therapist, or a coach… can be in a very fragile place mentally. Anyone who chooses to step into healing roles has decided to place someone’s mental health in their hands… they should understand they are possibly dealing with delicate mental health. In my personal opinion, It’s a sacred duty. Those who only want a massive following and a sense of grandeur shouldn’t be in the healing business.
Before I continue, I want to be clear I am NOT against healers monetizing their practice. Nor do I feel healers should live impoverished or below their means. Healers take on a great deal of other’s trauma. It is tiresome work which I applaud. They also spend time and money training themselves for the roles they take on. True healers deserve financial security and an abundant life, advertising services and accumulating followers is part of achieving this security.
The issue I am touching on are those who are not truly healers. These are people who seek the ‘glamour’ of the healing industry, they attempt to become a guru of sorts. They are solely focused on financial opportunities and internet notoriety.
I feel this is also an important conversation because bad experiences with fake healers makes it that much harder for genuine coaches to get new clients and sustain themselves. And inexperienced coaches can worsen trauma and overall mental health.
These are the 6 things I have learned to look out for… a ‘how to spot a social climber’ if you will… as I elaborate on each bullet point you will also get an idea of what legitimate healers look like as well.
One; Shady healers do not site sources or recommend books and authors.
While social media is much more casual and posts shouldn’t necessarily read like a term paper with sources cited at the bottom… there should be a general idea of where healers have gained their knowledge. They should at the very least speak about the origins of their practices, the people who founded them, as well as books they have studied or classes they have attended to gain their knowledge. A healer will want to empower their clients, and knowledge is the ultimate power. Another big red flag is when they sell ‘secret knowledge’ which is really made up of well founded public systems with lots of readily available literature. A healer may offer courses on such wisdom, but there’s a clear distinction they are charging their clients for the time they spent to create the course and teach the lessons… they are not the gatekeepers of wisdom.
Two; Questionable healers themes are inconsistent.
The shift I will specifically mention here is seeing a very abrupt change from a healing modality which focuses on high vibrations, law of attraction, and ‘love and light only’ emphasis… to shadow work. This one quite frankly angers me. Here is why;
Shadow work can bring up a lot of very complex, difficult, even dangerous emotions. Done improperly it can put a client into an extremely precarious place. Studying Jungian shadow work is not a quick or simple process. Not only does the healer need to understand Jungian depth psychology (they don’t need to incorporate all of it dogmatically, after all some of Jung’s work is problematic, but they need to at least understand the structure). They also need to have in depth knowledge as to how to help their clients manage their trauma. Having gone through trauma therapy myself, and also having extensively researched shadow and trauma work… I get extremely nervous about unqualified people offering trauma based coaching.
This is also the reason I have structured my own content as I have. I want to offer guidance using a combination of psychological methods and occultism that have worked for me… I want to share my knowledge as a fellow peer navigating trauma… but I’m keenly aware I’m not ready for the sacred role of shadow coach (at least not yet).
My writing is intended to start conversations about trauma and provoke thought, while introducing techniques I have learned from a professional trauma therapist. It is also meant to acquaint survivors with different healing modules which they can further research.
Three; Worrisome healers have pages which mostly consist of trending topics.
I know this might sound like a repeat of inconsistent themes, I promise… it isn’t. Does this coach only create content around what’s trending? There is nothing wrong with having some material that covers a coach’s take on popular topics. It’s a wonderful way to engage audiences on an issue that’s most likely already on their mind. Unfortunately for healers (and those they are healing)… healing itself is not a glamorous process. It’s messy, unsettling, sometimes it’s just… icky. Ok, AFTER unpacking trauma I can personally feel the glow up… and that is definitely something to embrace and celebrate. But the process that leads up to it should be equally recognised and explored, so many times we think we are ‘doing it wrong’ because the gross stage is not pretty enough for social media. This is where healers need to make their clients feel seen, they need to acknowledge the ick exists, and that’s not always going to be ‘on trend’.
Four; Exploitative Healers Will Offer A Miracle Cure and Single Truth
This one is pretty self explanatory and I’m going to keep it simple. If a healer says their methods will completely cure all their followers of all mental health issues... If they push their clients to stop going to therapy (even if it’s working), to stop taking medication (even if it’s working), and lastly if they say their followers will gain super powers (yes this happens)… please just run…
Five; Nefarious coaches do not deeply engage with their clients/followers.
You can tell a great deal about a coach by just glancing through their comments section. Are they genuinely empathetic and knowledgeable in their responses? How do they handle respectful criticisms? How many of their clients comment about their results, and how close do they seem to be with the coach? I have noticed social climbing coaches whose primarily focus gaining a large following, will superficially engage in the comments, enough to appease the algorithm… but most of their time is spent working to amass a large number of new followers. They don’t work to build relationships with their current followers.
Six; Shady coaches codes of conduct and personal morality are vague.
A really unsettling aspect of having a coach vs a therapist is the matter of confidentiality. While a therapist is legally bound not to disclose private information, this is not the case with a coach.
Legitimate healers will be very clear about their codes of conduct. They will not discuss any of their client’s sensitive subject matter. You can see this very visibly in their content.
If a healer you are interested in tends to incite drama, even if it appears justified… proceed with caution.
I will sum up my feelings on the matter with this closing statement… I very strongly feel that there are many approaches towards healing. All highly individual. I personally have had both a coach and a therapist. I preferred therapy.
But, I also feel there are areas where occultism and spirituality are leaps and bounds ahead of modern psychology. I also feel there are extremely legitimate healing practices which have be ‘delegitimized’ by systemic oppression.
I think it is important to have many different kinds of healers available. I think it is equally important to thoroughly research healing styles before implementing them.
And lastly, we need to be aware of dubious healers. The real ones are out there, and they are changing consciousness in a profound way.
